Do I have any fans of failure out there? Anyone just love looking like an idiot? Anyone just proud as can be when something is a flop and want to give me a pep talk about how failure is the only way to learn what will be a win?

When I took the time to look back on 2012 I didn’t have many check marks or things crossed off on my BIG goals list. In fact I can really only count 1 thing as “done”. You see I have become slightly paralyzed by a fear of failure. I am hopeful the damage is reversible because I don’t enjoy living this way. I much prefer being the leaping, jumping, trusting “God can do” anything soul I typically am.

But here I sit with winds changing and cliff jumping on the horizon a bit stunned and stunted by what could be a total and complete fail. And if I am honest I sit disappointed by what I have poured years into and have yet to see any results (I should say…results I wanted to see). Will the year ahead leave me looking like a gigantic dummy? I feel a part of me doubting every whisper I have thought I heard from God.

Oh, I know, I know all the pat answers. I know failure is a pathway to finding all the right ingredients to actually making the light bulb work but I just feel more comfortable, although bored, sitting with my already working light bulb. Am I making any sense?

But God knocked years ago..well actually I knocked and He answered. The homework has been done, the prep tests have been taken and now it is time to give this calling received a real drive around the race track. (I have never watched car racing so don’t ask me where this analogy is coming from…it is late.)

But as I wait for the flag to drop I sit shaking…fear of failure causing me to want to hold on too tight and risk losing control or perhaps not even push the gas pedal so I will take your best advice, your go to scripture, the wisest thing your grandma taught you to conquer and rise above the risk of not racing…not running…not dreaming the dream.

So here I sit…a 2012 failure seeking your best advice.