God, I feel guilty.
God, The other day I was feeling guilty for how much I need You right now. Really I should need You, like I do right now, all the time. But then You sent me a little reminder, in the form of one of my little people, how it works. As I was writing the other morning, early in the morning, before the sun had risen I heard the tears and pitter patter of tiny feet in the hall. Little A was looking for me…her mommy. She needed me. She had awoken from her sleep and in her blurry state she needed comfort. I of course readily accepted my baby girl, swooped her into my arms, and carried her back to her bed. She needed me to snuggle with her, pat her belly, and woo her back to sleepy land. When my kids are hurting they need me more than they need me when life is kicks and giggles. Not that I don’t love to play with them because I do but let’s face it I am most valuable to them when it comes to food, transportation, breaking up sibling battles, and the daily boo boos and ouchies that occur. It is no different for You or us is it?
I love to watch you laugh, use your gifts, and be in relationship. Please, know I get it. You simply need me to be present in those moments not necessarily active. But when the pains, trials, confusion, and hurts come you need me to comfort, console, assure, reassure, and stretch out those hands of mine to swoop you up.
I love to swoop too.
You are my child that can come to me any day, any time, and I will welcome you with open arms.
I get it. Thanks for understanding that it is not that you are not valuable, important, and loved by me all the time it is just that there are times, like right now, that I need to come to you at inconvenient times and have your hand hold my hand.
Hand in hand we go My little, hand in hand we go.