Death by Numbers.
Idol.
- What do I idolize?
- What do I lift up?
- What do I worship?
- What do I find myself desiring to be like?
Honestly, answering those questions hasn’t been a happy conversation to have with myself. I have been confronted with ugly.
As Jennifer challenged us to share our Love Idol as what we were going to give up for Lent I went searching for something that has deep roots in me and that needs to get dug up and put to death. (Yes, I am dramatic like that. Is there any other way, really?)
As I combed my mind, my eyes, and my actions it came.
NUMBERS.
That word makes me laugh because I am not a numbers girl. I can’t say big numbers out loud because I don’t know what the commas mean. I add with my fingers or my phone calculator. I don’t do numbers.
But, oooooooooooooooooooooooh DO I???!!!!
I idolize them.
The number on the scale is a BIG FAT idol, the number in the checking account, the number of #blogHope contributors , the number of likes on Facebooks, the number of re-pins on Pinterest, the number of sales in product, the number of clients, and the number of the speaking gigs booked. I lift them up, I value them, they give me worth and meaning. They prove I am useful and productive. These numbers assure me that I am a contributing member of society.
How do I know they are an idol?
Because they disappoint me. They let me down. They depreciate me.
When those NUMBERS don’t meet my expectations they make me feel like a failure, like I should do more, and like I am of very little value.
No matter the expectations the numbers will never satisfy because there is always a higher number. There is always a more that can be obtained.
Oh numbers, I can’t escape you or keep you hidden so what do I do with you. How do I give you up?
If a client was seeking their value in something other than God I would typically coach them into purging the toxin. But numbers! I can’t get rid of them. I have to balance the check book. I have to check and see if a new client intake form has come in (speaking of that let me go check it real quick…yep the number is 0), I am clearly aware daily about sales because there are 0 emails from PayPal, and Pinterest so kindly notifies me in the top right corner when people think I am creative or clever.
Where, why, and when did my brain get trained to think that more is more?
This perception has become my reality.
Somewhere is my life I started believing the lie that the numbers, BIG or small, were the way God says “well done good and faithful servant.”
But the good news is that this reality is not based in God’s truth. And that reality is the only reality that truly matters to me.
Here is God-sized reality.
God values one over the many.
God values loving over recruiting.
God values our devotion over fueling our addictions.
God values peace over “what if’ing”.
God values trust over self promotion.
God says:
“Be faithful with the few.”
Be a faithful steward of the dollars you do have, the self care you offer, the influence you have, the words you share, the thoughts you have, the truths you believe, and the gifts you have been given.
Be Faithful.
Faithfully trust He is painting the picture and you have no control over the paintbrushes.
BE…just be faithful with what you are given. It is in the faith that he shows us the many, the more, the greatness.
BE FAITHFUL.
For Lent this year I will not be giving up ice cream, sweet tarts, soda, or sugar cereal. I will be giving up on the lie that more is more. No more thinking that numbers prove my worth.
The truth that will set me free is to Be Faithful.
Well done, you upright, honorable, admirable, and faithful servant! You have been faithful and trustworthy over a little; I will put you in charge of much. Matthew 25:23
The Tangible:
How do I take these words and make them reality. That is always the trick.
- Social media will be used for sharing, encouraging, and connecting not for checking likes or re-pins. If I check outside of a time when I need to go there for the above reasons I will pull $1.00 from my monthly clothing envelope which is $30.00 a month. So I risk losing the whole thing in a month. NOT!!! That is like gold to me.
- I am going to expand my Social Media Sabbath to two days a week.
- Whenever I check my intake form for new clients I will pray for my current clients and offer thanks to God for the blessings I have.
Join The Love Idol Movement:
Grab the Preapproved printables here.