God,

30 days.

In 30 days I head out on my adventure with Soul Hope.

Exciting, huh?

Um. I guess. I am sure that is how I am supposed to feel.

How do you feel?

I feel like I am fighting fear.

Fear of what?

Fear of death.

What? You know you could die at any point in any day, right?

I do. But there is nothing like a long flight, a foreign country, and leaving your family behind that keeps my mind extra wandery (Is that a word?}. And I don’t actually fear death. I mean I know I would go to heaven. I fear leaving them behind. I fear what would happen to Eric and the kids.

What would happen?

They would be sad, lonely, they would have to walk through grief. All these things a mama and wife wants to protect against.

How realistic is that Carey?

You can’t tell me I don’t have a right to want to protect my family!

That is not what I was going to say. You are mighty defensive. 

I know I can’t protect them from everything but I want to. I want to. And if I can’t I want to be the one that makes any pain or heart break all better.

And why is that?

Arggggg…You just want me to say it, right?

You will feel better.

I want to be the one to comfort them, care for them, and love them because I think I can do it best. Better than you could.

___

Well, that just made me sick to my stomach. But, there you have it. There is my fear. All bottled up in that mess of yuck.

Carey, how big does your faith need to be?

As big as a mustard seed.

You think you got that much in you?

Yes.

Then we have got this. You lean in and trust that I love you, care for you, and want to protect you, just as much as I love, want to care for, and protect your family. Deep breath. Deep breath. 

“He is ever present with me; at all times He goes before me. I will not live in fear or abandon my calling because He stands at my right hand.” Psalm 16:8 (Voice)

You are present with me all the time. You go before me. I will NOT live in fear or walk away from where I am called because you are with me. You are with me, God.

Amen.

 There is still a decent amount of fundraising to be done for this journey. You can partner with me by purchasing your copy of the e-version of Cravings {The Devotional} or you can give directly through YouCaring.org