God, Ann Voskamp is in my head.
|Ann Voskamp – One Thousand Gifts|
“Inside I am feeling raw and discouraged. I am trying to be it all. Not enough of me to go around. Am I making the right decisions? Am I doing anything well? Do you see me? Do you want to use me at all?” – Ann Voskamp (Allume 2012 Keynote)
As I heard these words my brain thought has she been strolling around in my head? This sums me up in a nut shell right now.
I feel raw.
I feel discouraged.
I feel like I am trying to be everything to everyone.
I feel like I am failing at it all.
I wonder which direction to go?
I wonder if it even matters if I go in a direction?
I wonder if you have forgotten the dream You gave me?
I wonder if I am just supposed to do the same thing I have been doing despite the loss of passion?
I wonder which direction you are going to choose to go?
I wonder if you are interested in my input on which direction to go?
I wonder if you love the dream more than you love Me?
I wonder if you are willing to risk giving up what has been for what could be?
Of course I want Your input!
Of course I want to know Your direction for me!
Of course I love You more than I love the dream!
Of course I am willing to take any leap or risk for You!
Act like it.
I’m sorry. What?
Choose Me before facebook, before Pinterest, before your email, before your day begins running.
Choose Me by loving your kids over the dirty dishes.
Choose Me by encouraging your husband.
Choose Me by sinking into us rather than the couch.
Choose Me because I chose you!
Sorrow. How can I say “I am sorry” to You in a way that would have any sense of meaning?
You just did. Repent. Turn around. Change your ways.
I will. I will try. I want to. God, I want to.